i may or may not be watching the land before time
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
