I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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