i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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