What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
