She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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