And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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