someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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