She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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