i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
