i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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