Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
