Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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