I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
