i already hear my dad disowning me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
