This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
