maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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