everyone is single if you try hard enough
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
