Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
