woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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