I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
