You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
