their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
