I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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