i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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