I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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