no, he came in my armpit
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
