My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
