i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
