Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
