Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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