summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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