This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
