The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
