just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
