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the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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