Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
