to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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