Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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