And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize