i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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