I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
