I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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