I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
