im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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