So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
