last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
