Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
