i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
