yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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