I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
