So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
