shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
