I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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