I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude i'm inner monologue high
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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