I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
