Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
