Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize