So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize