Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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