he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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