I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Vodka?
Forever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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