I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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