Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need a beard to bite.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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