apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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